V is for Voices of Parents

"Then he felt quite ashamed, and hid his head under his wings, for he did not know what to do; he was so happy, and yet not at all proud." -The Ugly Duckling, by Hans Christian Andersen.

These words, delivered to the child of an incarcerated father through a tape recording, could as easily have been spoken by the father himself. Although parents are ashamed to be in jail and sometimes hesitant to reach out to the child(ren) they left behind, they flock to the Stories From Dad and Stories From Mom Programs in San Francisco's downtown and San Bruno jails. This innovative volunteer program was founded by Davidson Bidwell-Waite, UCSF's Campus Purchasing Manager, longtime member of San Francisco's Grace Cathedral, and onetime winner of the Chancellor's Award for Public Service.

Bidwell-Waite recently launched two Stories From Dad programs after the success of Stories From Mom, an identical program for female inmates that he started over four years ago.

Through these programs, San Francisco inmates can connect with their children by reading stories into a voice recorder. The book and tape are then placed in a manila folder and mailed to the inmate's child(ren) to play back so that they can hear a mother's or father's voice while turning the pages.

While leading Grace Cathedral's Jail Ministry, Davidson read an article about a similar program in Chicago for inmates with children. After presenting a proposal to San Francisco Sheriff Mike Hennessey, he seeded the funds himself to start Stories From Mom. That was over four years ago. Since then, over 1,500 books have been sent to children along with tapes of their parent's voice. The program runs on a shoestring budget with the help of funds secured from fundraisers, individual donors and a onetime grant from the Junior League.

For many of the prisoners, particularly the women who are effectively slaves of pimps and drug pushers, jail is a refuge. It is a place where they can clean up, receive medical attention, commiserate with others, and "get their head together." The Stories program allows them to take this recovery one step further. It is a step that often opens up a flood of emotion. By reading stories with their child in mind, the parents can contemplate the impact their destructive lifestyle has had on their children. Bidwell-Waite adds, "They may say things they have rarely said before, like 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry.'"

Adds Bidwell-Waite, "Since many of the parents are drug addicts, their lives tend to be ones of drama and tragedy. As a result, the children often play little more than a 'walk-on' part on the great operatic stage of their parent's addiction. So, when the child experiences the parent being 100 percent present, even for five to 10 minutes, it's quite powerful. Most profoundly, I have heard that the tapes help even when the parent relapses. Even in the child's anger and disappointment, they listen to the tape as a reminder of what mommy or daddy was like when they were straight."

One impact of the program was the part it played in changing the sheriff's visitation rules for some inmates. Children receiving books and tapes from their mothers started coming on visitation day, but the children were upset at the separation by a glass partition or a table across which physical contact was not allowed. After the warm and caring messages often expressed on the mother's tape, this was a distressing reality. The Sheriff's Office staff members who were working on literacy and family reunification issues decided to incorporate Stories From Mom activities into the program curriculum they were developing. They won a grant from the Zellerbach Foundation to establish the REST (Read and Educate to Stay Together) program. Women who enroll in this innovative new family reunification and literacy program are allowed up to two hours of contact play/interaction with their children. Program activities include developing reading skills, book making, poetry reading and writing and making tape recordings of readings for their children through Stories From Mom.

Although the positive effects of the program have been great, Bidwell-Waite admits that there have been disappointments. "It is painful seeing good intentions gone bad." Some of the participants ask the volunteers to pray for them when they are released into the L's - slang for the Tenderloin. Unfortunately, the allure of the street life sometimes overwhelms the desire to recover.

But the successes far outweigh the disappointments. Through the program, Davidson Bidwell-Waite has become friends with two women who have kicked their addictions, left the criminal justice system, and began new professional lives helping other women leave prostitution. A year ago, Davidson and his partner of 23 years, Edwin Waite, took the two women on a trip to Paris for 10 days to celebrate their new lives.

Bidwell-Waite's voice hums with pride and enthusiasm as he declares how wonderful it is to hear a woman who was once vulnerable to the dangers of heroin and prostitution "talking passionately about architecture, travel and fashion and seeing life as actually holding opportunity instead of just peril and pain."

by Jeff Wilson